Essay 28 - Do Your Friends Know You Better Than You Do?

Sometimes, when I feel like stirring things up a bit, I will ask people the question – “Who knows you better you or your friends?” People often hold strong opinions and fall into the two obvious camps. Those who feel that you know yourself better believe that you have a strong interior identity, known only to you, and which you do not share readily with others. Those people who believe that your friends know you better believe you are riddled with blind spots and filled with self-delusion. Your friends know what is really going on and only reveal it to you when it is necessary for your own good. Most likely both are true but in differing degrees for different people.

Carl Jung offered some archetypes of the personality* that provide insights into this situation. Each person has a self which is their interior identity and their source of energy, drive, and creativity. They also have a persona which is how they represent themselves to others. The self and persona can be very similar as in the case of someone who is as they appear to be. In this case the friends may know them better, as friends may be more observant than the person is reflective. Or they may be very different, in which case the person is aware of a lot of things about him or herself that the friends don’t have access to.

These archetypes may be very useful in a variety of ways. For example, if the self and the persona are quite different, the person may feel they are putting on a show around others. And others may feel that the person is more interesting as you get to know them better. There is no answer to the question proposed (regarding who knows you better) but it does show how archetypes are useful in thinking about things and gaining insights. And they are useful in coming to understand who you are.

* These are not the same archetypes that we discussed earlier. Carl Jung had lots of personality archetypes.

This essay is 355 words long and the audio is just over 3 minutes.